In February of 2020 we found out that we were pregnant with our fourth child. I had some mixed emotions over this, I had been thinking about what my future would look like since my third baby would be starting school that September and this news meant that my future was going to be pushed back at least another three years while I stayed home with a new baby and went back to diapers. I also had concerns that it may push me back into a depression, or worse, it might make the tumour regrow. Luckily, those worries were both unfounded. As my pregnancy progressed so did my excitement for a new baby.
A month after finding out about the pregnancy the world shut down. I all of a sudden had so much more to worry about. I was already considered “geriatric” for pregnancy, so the pregnancy came with enough worries on its own, but now I had to worry about this unknown. Would my baby be okay if I became ill with Covid? What would giving birth during Covid look like? I also had to get a new doctor as my family doctor who had delivered all my other children had since retired and my new family doctor does not deliver babies. So, I was trying to navigate a whole new medical process in the middle of a medical crisis, it was a bit scary. My doctor was great, he did an ultrasound during one of my first visits to tell me the gender of my baby even though it was a bit early. I was so happy to find out we would be having another girl.
Luckily, I did not get Covid while I was pregnant so there was no need to worry about how that might affect the baby or if there might be any long term complications to her health because of it. She was born in October, so restrictions were not as strict but still more than I would have liked. In the hospital I was able to have my husband with me, which was a relief, I was not looking forward to the possibility of having to go through the whole thing alone. She was an uncooperative baby as far as the birth was concerned. After the 40 week mark, she was still not consistently head down during ultrasounds. My second to last ultrasound they had measured her at 9lbs4oz, which is coincidentally what she weighed when she was born, and she was head down. This was promising for being induced the following week. When we went back in, there was another ultrasound which showed she had returned to a sideways lying position. Cue some serious disappointment! I voiced my disappointment, and my doctor had voiced his concern about me potentially having my water break while baby was sideways and having an arm in the way by the time I made it to hospital. So, I was admitted to hospital and not long after the doctor attempted to turn the baby to allow for a safe induction. It worked and the induction process began. Around 1am I was in a birthing unit and shortly after that they proceeded to break my water. I laboured for some time, then the contractions slowed and another ultrasound was done to ensure the baby was still head down. She was not, she had retreated and returned to her favourite sideways lying position. This was the end of my labour. At this time it was decided that I would deliver this baby via c-section. This was not what I was hoping for, but I was prepared for it because of how much she had been moving. I was done being pregnant and very much just wanted to get this baby out one way or another. I was a bit worried about how this would go after the first time. I did not want an epidural and was prepared to be told I would have to be put under for the procedure. I was happy to find out that I did not need either of those things and instead would be given an anesthetic similar to the freezing a dentist will give for a filling, just a much larger dose into my back. I was also told that the anesthesiologist would not require me to tell them that I wanted this. Relief. This operation was much easier for me. Apparently, it was not as good for my husband as there seemed to be an excessive amount of bleeding and he became very worried during the procedure. Once it was done and I was taken out of the OR everything was pretty smooth. I got sick which seems to be what I do after anesthetic – I was sick during my first c-section and was apparently quite sick after my tumour removal, but I don’t remember that. Once feeling began to return to my legs we were taken to a room where we would be monitored for a few days.
After the baby was born we were allowed to have one visitor per 24 hours, we had the same visitor, my mom, the whole time as most people were working during that time. My parents had my older children at their home and my mother would come to visit me and the baby after dropping them off at school in the morning. She would leave in the afternoon to pick up the kids from school, then my husband would come back for a short time after work. But, he was working during this time, so he went home at night to sleep. The baby slept all day. This is not an exaggeration, she would fall asleep around 7 or 8am and sleep until about supper time, then she would be awake all night. She wasn’t feeding well, I don’t know if it is because I wasn’t producing enough milk or if it was just because she didn’t care to do it. By the time we left the hospital she had lost more weight than she should have. We were referred to feeding specialists and were advised to ensure she was eating every two hours and to top up all feeds with a bottle. She started gaining weight again with this, but she still was not eating very much. Now, three years later, I’m still not sure how she is gaining weight as she would prefer to not eat the majority of the time.
It’s been a very different experience raising a baby during a pandemic. For the first two years of her life most of the people she met were just eyes. I noticed that she was able to tell when people smiled at her even though she couldn’t see their mouths she was still able to read their expression through their eyes. She is much more shy than any of my other children since she was never really in any social situations as a baby. She is now starting to get used to meeting new people even though she is still very shy. She is also a big Mommy’s girl and will hide behind me or hide her face in my shoulder in new situations. But, she is growing up and learning to be part of this world that has changed so much since she was born.