So, apparently, I am a Mom. For more than five years I have been sharing my home with small humans who grew inside me. I could look at them and think, ‘hey, I made that!’ I have, since day one, loved them so much it hurts. But, up until yesterday, I have never felt like a Mom. I honestly don’t even know what it means to feel like a Mom, I just know that I never did. I also know that this is not how it is for everyone because many of the Moms that I have said that to have looked at me like I was from another planet. Many of these Moms told me that as soon as they gave birth to their child they were instantly transformed into a Mom, or something. That’s how I envision it anyway. I always felt like there was something wrong with me. I wake up everyday, I look after my children, I get them to where they need to be, but at the end of the day, I just don’t feel like a Mom. Don’t get me wrong, I know I am a Mom and I know I have children, I just don’t feel like it, inside.
So, I had this moment yesterday. I was getting the oldest ready to go out to play in the snow with the neighbours. No big deal. She was mostly ready and I got down to help get her mittens tucked into her jacket. It was in that moment, while I was squeezing her mittens into her sleeves that everything just felt right. I felt like a Mom, like a real Mom, not like someone who has small humans living in my home that call me Mom, but an actual Mom. Then, she ran out the door to play and I went back to being the regular me, the woman who knows she is a Mom but doesn’t feel like a Mom. Now, all I can do is sit and wait for another moment, I suppose. Hopefully it won’t take another five years for that to happen.