So, now that Lily is two going on twelve, she is becoming more and more of an independent little girl. With this is coming many troublesome moments for Momma and Daddy. She is throwing tantrums more frequently over not being allowed to do things on her own – we are generally pretty good about letting her do things herself, but sometimes we forget how much she can do by herself, or there simply is no time to let her do it for herself because she likes to fool around. So, one night at the dinner table she was asked to sit on her own seat to eat because the food she was eating was a little messy and Daddy, who generally lets her sit on his lap while we eat supper, had no desire to wear her supper. Daddy put her on her seat as he was explaining the reason for putting her back into her seat, but she did not hear his words, just felt his actions. She had a tantrum. A ceramic plate of buttery potatoes were pushed toward the edge of the table – luckily they stopped before falling to the floor. She was screaming and was sent to her room. This is where she goes when she throws a tantrum – it gives her a safe place to scream and do whatever she needs to get through the emotions she is feeling and it puts us far enough away from her that we don’t feel obligated to try to talk her down but can instead let her work through it herself. I should add that we had a rather late supper that night so she was also quite tired. After a few minutes in her room alone I went in to see if she was ready to talk. I sat with her while she calmed herself down and started taking some deep breaths so she could talk and listen. We talked about what had happened. When I ask her, the only thing she generally remembers is being brought up to her room. I talked her through what started the incident, that she needed to be using her listening ears so she could understand why things were happening. But, I also explained to her that pushing her food around or off the table was not the right choice to make in that situation. I explained to her that when she was feeling sad or angry or frustrated that the best choice would be to walk away from the situation, to go up to her room where she could take the time she needed to calm down and then to come and talk to us afterward. She told me that she understood what I was saying, as she always does after her tantrums, and that she would like to go back to supper. She apologized to Daddy and told him that next time she would try to remember to use her listening ears. I didn’t really think much of it, she is so young, could she really understand what I was saying anyway? I figured I would carrying on telling her these things until she was at least four and then maybe we would see her learning to handle these situations a little better.
Well, I now stand corrected. She has now, three times, at the start of her tantrum sent herself to her room saying that she needs to calm down or settle down. She begins to cry or scream at us or will begin to hit things or stomp her feet, then she heads straight to the stairs and goes up to her room. Once there, she crawls into bed, pulls the covers up and lays down. My words worked! This doesn’t always happen, and I haven’t yet figured out an appropriate solution for those times when we are in public, but as far as I’m concerned, this is a win! I have watched my two year old take her tantrums in her own hands and diffuse them, without any prompting or any assistance from her Momma or her Daddy.
Another proud Momma moment: naturally saying ‘sorry’. This one we didn’t really teach her, I think she learned by example. We were in the grocery store the other day and she decided she wanted to walk, and by walk I mean that she ran down each aisle and then shouted ‘I made it!’ at the end. Well, some aisles in the grocery store had other shoppers in them, imagine that. Daddy and I would call behind her to slow down and to watch out for the other shoppers and shopping carts, but it didn’t slow her down much. She did bump into some of the other shoppers, and without thought, as she kept on running to the end of the aisle, she says, ‘sorry’ the same way an adult would if they had bumped into another shopper. I was grateful that she was at least using some manners, and most people didn’t seem to put off by our toddler running through the grocery store like a crazy person, so it wasn’t too bad. Yes, I am that mother who lets her child run through the store as long as she stays in sight and listens when we tell her to stop. So, this was great, my child was using her manners properly with people, without any prompting. Then, a couple days later, when seeing Daddy out the door in the morning, she ran through the kitchen to Daddy, but there was an obstacle, the dog. I hear, ‘sorry, Sash.’ Just as she has heard me say so many times before. I know that she doesn’t really understand what she is saying, there are a lot of adults who don’t understand the meaning of ‘sorry,’ but she is using it properly, and in these instances, she means it. She did not intend to bump into those people or the dog and regrets that it happened. She may not know how to make it not happen again in the future, but she does try to avoid other people when she is running and walking.
So, all in all, I am one proud Momma!