I am slowly getting used to the idea of being home all day with a new baby. It is really helpful that she is now staying awake for longer periods and then having longer naps. It is also helpful that in the morning, after sleeping for about 6 straight hours, she wakes up full of smiles. I think she has gotten used to her morning routine, we are still working on the rest of the day, but for 2, maybe 3 hours in the morning, she is quite content.
I find myself looking at her from time to time with disbelief that I actually gave birth to her. For most of my pregnancy I kept expecting someone, probably my doctor, to sit me down and tell me that I wasn’t really pregnant, that I was in fact just getting fat. Now that my stomach is starting to heal, the memories of giving birth to her are starting to fade and feel less real. If I really think hard about it I can remember it quite vividly, but when I look at her, it’s sometimes like she can’t possibly be mine, like her real mom or dad will be here to pick her up soon. Then I realize that’s me and Scott, and we’re already here. It’s really a very strange feeling.