Blog

So, Henry, being the second child doesn’t seem to have his firsts celebrated quite the same way as Lily did.  I can rarely get to a camera in time to get a shot of it and sometimes I even miss it because I am with Lily.  But, that being said, these firsts are still happening and need to be acknowledged.  Since he has just conquered many of these milestones recently, I will take a moment today to share it with the world.

Talking

Henry has been using his voice for a while, lots of ooh’s and ah’s.  But within the last two months he has started making some consonant and vowel combinations.  The most popular has been “da da da da,” but he also says, “mum,” and on the rare occasion we will hear an ‘S’ sound.  He doesn’t seem to associate any of these sounds with objects or people yet, but we are on the right track.

Crawling

So, this one is not super new, he started about two months ago.  He is very confident with the army crawl.  But in the past couple of weeks he has begun a “normal” hands and knees crawl for short periods.  He will also do a bear walk, up on his hands and feet, for just a moment.

Standing

He has been able to bear weight on his legs for a very long time.  That is not new.  He loves to stand, and to walk while holding hands.  But, just a few days ago, he pulled himself up to standing on his exersaucer.  He is now starting to try to walk around objects like the coffee table and couch with minimal success, but he is on his way!

Clapping

So, I remember Lily learning to clap, but I feel like I am much more excited for Henry.  Maybe that is because I haven’t been trying to get him to do it but he seems to have taught himself.  He does a very slow clap, which is quite funny all on it’s own.  He is very proud of this new skill.

Teeth

So, we have been waiting for teeth.  He is about 8 and a half months old right now and still has very smooth gums.  They are coming! I spotted two small white spots with a little bruising on his gums yesterday, so although I still can’t feel them, I know they are there!

Well, as most of you reading this already know, we are expecting our third child in September 2015.  Just a short month and a half after Henry’s first birthday.  I am filled with a whole slew of emotions.  As if the hormones are not bad enough on their own, I am fighting an internal battle between the excitement of having a third child and the panic and fear of having two children so close together.  I knew I wanted a third child, and I am thrilled that I did not have to go through the stress of trying this time.  But, I had hoped that by the time the third child came Lily would be getting ready to go to school so that I would be home with just two children for most of the day.  I am also nervous about how Henry will react to a new baby taking his much needed attention away; and will Lily start paying more attention to the new baby or will she still be infatuated with Henry – I can’t even imagine what a shock it would be for him to go from being the centre of everyone’s world to being second in everyone’s eyes.  I am also feeling a little lost about how to prepare such a young child for such a huge change.

Well, I haven’t posted in a very long time.  Hopefully I will be able to get back to posting at least once a month now.  We have had a few hiccups with the baby and he seems to be eating up most of the time I used to have to write.  However, he has recently begun sleeping much better, both at nap times and at night, so I should be able to get back to this now!

So, the bumps…

At about 10 days old, Henry stopped eating.  I spent the night worrying about it and wondering if it was me.  The next day he was inconsolable and still not eating well.  In the afternoon I decided to check his temp, he didn’t feel super warm, I just had a feeling that something wasn’t right.  He had a fever.  Now, I know that newborns must be taken to the emergency right away if they have a fever, so, I packed him into his seat and drove him to the hospital.  Now, it was the weekend, so I hadn’t even gotten dressed.  I threw on a sweater and a coat and took off.  I spent the entire drive to the hospital trying to keep him crying just so that I would know he was still breathing and still okay.  When we arrived at the hospital, they put us in a separate waiting room, which I was not ready for but makes perfect sense because his immune system was not built up enough to be around potentially ill children.  They took him in fairly quickly and began poking him.  This is not fun when you are in the very hormonal post-partum stages, but we got through.  After several tests, and three attempts at getting a urine sample they finally decided that it was a urinary tract infection.  This is good, easily treated and minimal risk for him.  But, because he is so young he must stay and be observed for at least 48 hours.  We stayed in the hospital for three nights.  They took his vitals regularly, they weighed his diapers, I had to keep track of how long he was nursing.  They sent him for an ultrasound and the next day he was released.  We then waited for an appointment for another test, which had to be done 6 weeks later.  They sent us to the x-ray department where a dye was put into his bladder (I will leave the details on how this was done out) and they took x-rays as he peed to make sure the pee wasn’t going back up into his kidneys.  Stressful test, but it went well, there were no problems.  We then had to see a pediatrician about the results.  She tells us everything looked fine in the x-rays, but she wanted another ultrasound to make sure everything had gone back to normal before declaring that he was fine.  Second ultrasound, I’m feeling pretty good at this point, he hasn’t had any fevers since the visit to the hospital, he’s been relatively happy and eating well, this should be no problem.  Problem.  10 days later, we find out that in this ultrasound they have found what looks like kidney stones.  Kidney stones!  But, don’t worry, the pediatrician tells me, it’s fairly common and nothing to be concerned about but keep an eye out for fevers still and take him into the hospital if he gets a fever and have them test for a UTI.  Okay, don’t worry, fairly common.  Sure, I can not worry, right?  Wrong!  I have spent all the time since his last appointment worrying; every time he screams in pain I wonder if it’s the kidney stones (pretty sure it’s teeth).

He also got a lovely eye infection in there.  Don’t really remember how long ago it was, just remember having to try to put the silly eye “drops”, more like ointment, on his eyes.  He was not a fan.  He looked pretty miserable, but he was in good spirits throughout.

And finally, the sleeping.  This one I had a really hard time with.  He was so different from Lily with his sleeping I was finding it difficult to get used to and was worrying about getting past it.  Henry loved to be swaddled.  For the first couple of months it didn’t really bother me, I knew that he would be warmer that way anyway and it also gave him a very clear signal that sleep was coming.  However, as he started getting closer to rolling over I became a little concerned.  Lily never liked being swaddled, not even at the hospital when she was born, so I never had to worry about the rolling over, she always had her arms free.  So, I decided to try to keep one arm out, he didn’t go for it.  After that, I would try periodically to keep his arms out and see if he would sleep.  The answer was no.  He would be asleep when I’d take him to bed, but as soon as he hit the crib mattress his eyes would pop open, he’d take his soother and start chatting with it – wide awake.  This was getting frustrating.  It was only a matter of time before he figured out how to roll while swaddled, but not swaddling him would mean no sleep at all.  I was beginning to think that I would be teaching him how to swaddle himself as he got older.  Then he got a cold, and was teething, at the same time.  He was having a hard time sleeping, for naps and at night.  Then he became congested.  My husband took his arms out of his swaddle as we tried to comfort him one night.  I was skeptical that he would be able to sleep, but I knew that sleeping on his tummy would be better with the congestion so I gave it a shot.  It took me a while to get him to settle and fall asleep on me, but when I took him up to bed he didn’t wake up immediately.  In fact, he slept for at least three hours on his stomach without his swaddle.  He was also on Tempra which probably helped the matter as well.  But, from that point on he has not needed to be swaddled.  It has only been four days or so, but he has not been on the Tempra for the last two days and is still doing great without the swaddle!  I am not

happy that he was sic

k, but I am very happy that because he was sick he was able to transition easily to no swaddle.

Now, the fun!

Henry has already been on two road trips!  The first when he was only three weeks old, still on the antibiotics for his UTI, we drove to Fredricton, NB for the night to see I Mother Earth at Fredrock.  The second was in November, we went to Dobbs Ferry, NY to visit my great aunt for a week.  Henry was a trooper for all the long car rides which was quite surprising since at that point he did not like the car and did not immediately fall asleep in the car unless it was for his 30 minute nap.  While in New York we went into the city to see the Rockettes Christmas Spectacular.  Lily loved all the dancing, especially the large number of Santas; and Henry was quite taken with all the music and lights as well!

Lily started some new activities in September.  She was very excited to be able to start dance lessons.  She also switched to a new gymnastics club, one with a trampoline! And, in January she began Aquatic Kiddie Kapers at the Spryfield Wave Pool which is a half day program where she gets to do crafts, story time, play time for about an hour and a half and then goes to the pool for a 30 minute swim lesson.  Having all these big girl activities has made being a big sister a little more tolerable for her as well.

We also celebrated Henry’s first Thanksgiving, Halloween and Christmas.  Lily had her first out of home birthday party at the Spryfield Wave Pool.  It was a great time, all the children (and grown-ups) seemed to have a great time.

So, I’m a little behind on my posts here.  Just trying to get some in when I have a chance.  This post is all about getting Lily ready to be a big sister and how she has been adjusting to her new role.

I was quite worried when I found out I was pregnant about how Lily would react when the day finally arrived.  I had been hoping she would be a little younger so that the change would be quickly forgotten.  I am now glad that she was older because she is a great helper.  It took some time for her to realize that I was serious when I told her there was a baby growing in my belly.  I wanted her to be a part of everything, I thought that it would help her understand what was happening.  I took her to all my check-ups where she got to hear the baby’s heartbeat.  After a couple check-ups she began playing doctor at home, she would pretend that anything was a stethoscope and listen to Sasha’s heartbeat.  When we were at the doctor’s office, the doctor would let her use her stethoscope and Lily would put the stethoscope to my arm and tell me she was listening to my heartbeat.  It was really interesting to see this play emerging.  As the pregnancy progressed she began talking about the baby in her belly.  We talked about the baby moving although she was rarely interested in actually feeling the movements in my belly.  I also took her to the library to borrow books about becoming a big sibling.  Most of them were not very helpful.  But, we did borrow one about dinosaurs that seemed to really make sense to her.  Dino Baby by Mark Sperring was very helpful.  It was the only book she asked to read more than once, I believe it was the only one we made it to the end of, and she remembered a lot of the do’s and don’t’s outlined in this book after the baby was born without any prompting.  It is a great book for young children getting ready to be older siblings.  The illustrations are bright and they keep the child’s attention, and the dialogue is short and easy to remember.  It also gives parents a reminder to let children know what they are allowed to do and not simply what they are not supposed to do.  Lily also received a great book from her Nana and Gump; I’m a Big Sister by Ronne Randall.  This opened up some dialogue for Lily about what was coming.  It allowed me to remind her that although the baby would be doing all kinds of things that she wasn’t, she was doing lots of things that the baby can’t do.

While we were in the hospital, Lily stayed with Nana and Gump.  I started telling her that she would be having a sleepover with Nana and Gump when the baby comes weeks ahead of time.  She was very excited and asked me many times if I was going to the hospital.  The day that we packed her bag she became even more excited.  Then, the day before the baby arrived we went to a wedding, as I mentioned in the post about Henry’s birth, and we put her bag in the trunk to send to Nana and Gump’s house so that it would be one less thing for us to worry about when the time came.  She was very hopeful that that would be the day she would get to go for her sleepover.  As luck would have it, it was!  When we were getting ready to leave the wedding I got down to her level and told her that she would be staying at the wedding and going home with Nana and Gump.  When I asked her if she knew why we were leaving her with Nana and Gump she told me that I was going to the hospital and that the baby was coming.  This was great, because when she came to the hospital to visit us she was prepared to meet a new baby.

In my hospital bag, along with all the normal stuff that you are supposed to bring, I packed two wrapped gifts for the new big sister.  One from the baby and one from us.  The baby gave her a toy high chair that I found at Target on clearance as I wasn’t wanting to spend a lot on these gifts and a pink shirt that I special ordered from a local vendor on Facebook that says “Best Big Sis” in purple letters – her favourite colours.  We gave her a book, one I found at Chapters that was a little more expensive than I wanted to spend, but very worth it as it expresses beautifully how special she will always be to us.  The book is called You Were the First by Patricia MacLachlan.  We have read her this book a few times, I am not sure if she understands it yet, but I know that one day she will, and it means a lot to us every time we take that time to read it to her.  I highly recommend this book for anyone having a second child, it will make you cry, but it is great!

Once we came home from the hospital, Lily stayed for one more night with Nana and Gump.  When they brought her home they stayed and visited with us for a little while.  She got to show them her new big girl room for the first time.  I’m not sure what prepared her so well for this transition, but she has adapted to this change remarkably.  She is a huge helper with Henry, she helps buckle him into his swing, she covers him with his blanket, she give him his soother when he is upset, she gives me diapers and wipes and throws away the dirty diaper when I change his diapers and she talks with him all the time – she tries to get him to smile or to play with his toys or to calm down with her words.  When he is upset I will often hear her telling him, “it’s okay, I’m here.”  She is such a loving big sister and we have been very fortunate for how capable she was to adapt to such a huge change!

So, this debate is everywhere.  In the hospitals, it is very pro-breastfeeding, with signs that declare Breast is Best or that list all the pros of breastfeeding.  In public, Moms are made to feel that feeding their infant is inappropriate and are leaving to run to the restroom to feed their child sitting on a toilet, perhaps wishing they had made the choice to bottle feed instead to avoid this disgusting feeding space.  Breastfeeding is emotionally draining on Moms in our society.  Bottle feeding is also emotionally draining on Moms.  Many bottle feeding Moms did not make the choice lightly, many are bottle feeding because, although breastfeeding is natural, it did not come naturally to them or their child.  Many of these Moms feel the disapproving glance of breastfeeding Moms each time they take out a bottle of formula for their child.  I know how both these Moms feel, and I want to share that with you.

With Lily, I tried to breastfeed.  I may have only tried for a short time, but I stopped because it was obvious that breastfeeding was something that did not come naturally to us.  I tried putting a screaming infant to my breast only to have her scream at me until I gave her a bottle.  I tried using a contraption that was intended to help us both.  I would fill a container with formula, then it had little tubes that ran from the container to my breasts, I would put Lily to the breast as if to breastfeed her, but she would get the formula from the tubes.  After a few minutes of her feeding this way I was to close off the tubes to stop the flow of formula.  This contraption was supposed to help Lily get used to feeding this way and was supposed to help start my milk flow.  I was even told that some mothers in other areas use this contraption when they have adopted a child to induce milk production in spite of not having given birth themselves.  Well, this thing did not work for me.  I used it for a few days, maybe a week, but when Lily saw me close off the tubes she screamed in my face.  She knew, at only a week or so old, that when I closed those tubes she would no longer be fed and she was not okay with that.  Neither was I.  So, I stopped.  I was heartbroken because as I knew, breast is best.  I also knew that breastfeeding would create a stronger bond between me and my new infant.  I had failed as a mother to give my child what she needed.  I probably didn’t deserve that bond that everyone talked about.  It took me a few days to come to terms with the decision I had made.  But, in the end, my bottle fed baby was two years old before her first trip to the hospital which turned out to be an over-reaction by her mother.  I, the non-breastfeeding Mom, still felt a huge bond with my baby, but do you know what is even better? She was able to get that same bonding time with her father and other family members, something that does not happen when breastfeeding.  I was also able to get a break once in a while – ‘hey, can you feed the baby for me while I go have a shower?’  A breastfeeding mother does not really have that option.  There were times, in the middle of the night especially, where I found myself wishing that I could simply lift my shirt and put her to the breast – 2:00am trying to mix formula with an infant screaming in your ear is not fun!  And, no, I did not lose my baby weight easily, in fact, I still have some baby weight from Lily, but I earned that tummy and I wear it with pride.  When my two year old looks and me and tells me that I’m pretty or beautiful or whatever other adjective she comes up with, I thank her sincerely; and when that same two year old makes a comment about Mommy’s big tummy, I don’t mind because I know why I have that tummy and I wouldn’t change it for the world!

On the other hand, with Henry, he took to the breast right away.  The experience was much different with him.  I knew right away that he was doing it right.  I had assumed with Lily in the hospital that she was doing it right, too because everyone kept telling me that she looked like she was doing it right.  But, when I felt the way that Henry latched, I knew he was doing it right, I didn’t need anyone to tell me.  The first couple days were heaven, he was feeding well (and sleeping well) and I was in the hospital where I didn’t feel like I needed to hide to feed my child.  At home, it was good, I could sit in the glider in the nursery and comfortably feed my son.  It felt so right.  Until I left the house.  We went to Subway.  There are no secluded corners in a Subway where you can breastfeed your child without bringing much attention to it.  So, I excused myself to the washroom where I locked myself and my three day old son in the handicapped stall to feed him.  This was the first of many public experiences with breastfeeding, and I did not like it.  I wanted so badly to have a bottle of formula, just for when we were out in public.  But, I refused to even tempt fate with formula out of fear that he would not go back to the breast once he had formula.  Then, my milk came in.  A couple days of pain, I went through that with Lily, too, even though she did not breastfeed successfully.  I figured I could deal with it.  What I didn’t realise was that this was also the time that my nipples were going to be feeling the effects of breastfeeding as well, double the pain!  My breasts were sore from engorgement and my nipples were sore from being dry and cracked – I dreaded every feed.  I knew this wouldn’t last, so I pushed through it and I made it to the other side.  Then, Henry got sick.  Back to the hospital for a few days while they monitor him.  Again, I was feeling great, breastfeeding is greatly accepted in the hospital.  Not long after returning home, however, I get mastitis.  I know many women go through this and a lot of them continue to breastfeed through it.  I am not one of those women.  I woke up in the middle of the night from the pain.  I listened carefully for any noises Henry might make – he wasn’t making any noises.  In the back of my mind, I felt relieved, and thought that it would be nice if he simply did not wake up so that I would not have to feed him.  Now, this is a normal reaction for a Mom of a newborn with mastitis, or even in those few days of engorgement when her milk comes in.  But, for the same reason that I had the thought, I made the decision that I could not continue to exclusively breastfeed my son.  The hormones that caused me to, for a split-second, hope for my infant’s death also caused me to burst into tears over it and call it quits.

Now, I have the best of both worlds.  I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight thanks to breastfeeding.  I no longer feel like Henry is solely dependent upon me; when he cries I am not the only person who can help him out.  I can make a decision when I am in public to bottle feed if I am in a space where I am uncomfortable breastfeeding I can simply take out a bottle.  When I feed him with a bottle he looks up at me, probably the best bonding time ever!  So, what I am trying to say is, if you choose to bottle feed or you simply find that breastfeeding does not come naturally to you and your child, don’t get upset, it is okay!  If you are a breastfeeding mother and you see a mother who is bottle feeding, think about the looks that are on your face, there is no reason for mothers to make each other feel bad about the parenting decisions they have made.  If you see someone breastfeeding in public, don’t stare, you can talk to them as though what they are doing is normal, because it is.  Make sure you make the choices that are going to be the best for you and your child, don’t worry about what other people think; it is not their life, they can make whatever choices work for them, but you are doing what is best for you!

Baby number two was due to arrive on August 2, 2014.  In the months leading up to the baby’s arrival I had a lot on my mind.  On top of preparing Lily for the new arrival I had to worry about preparing myself as well.  For Lily, it was a lot of talking about what was going to happen, and a lot of creating a new and exciting big girl room so that she would be happy to move into a new room and not resentful of the new baby.  It worked, she loves her new big girl room, and since the baby is not yet sleeping in the nursery it is a neutral space for now allowing her a little extra time to get used to the idea.  That was the easy part.

In my own preparations I had to relive Lily’s birth story to figure out how I was going to make sure I wasn’t blind-sided again.  In my first pregnancy I did not have a birth plan, I had a birth idea – I wanted a natural birth, no drugs and no induction.  I had no fall back plans, but I knew I didn’t want to have a c-section, an epidural or a monitor screwed into my baby’s head.  And, of course, all of those things happened.  After 5 days of no sleep, that was very difficult for me to take.  So, as I said, I spent a lot of time thinking about these things.  I began planning for the worst.  I decided that I would not allow my pregnancy to go past a week without at least a trip to the induction clinic to arrange for the induction.  I also made sure that anyone involved in the process knew that under no circumstances would I be having an epidural.  I prepared myself for the worst; I was fairly certain that this baby would come at least a week late, I would be induced and end up with an emergency c-section where they had to put me under.  I kept reminding my husband that if I ended up needing a c-section that he would not be allowed into the room.  I made peace with the idea that my child would be hours old before I got to meet them and that everyone would know if my child was a boy or a girl before me.

Well, my second child has a hugely different birth story than I had anticipated!  August 3, 2014, the day after my expected due date, one of my very best friends got married.  I was not about to let a silly thing like an expected due date stand in the way of me being there when she got married.  So, we went to the wedding, the contractions started when we were getting ready.  They were not very intense nor were they regular, so I did not think much of it – I had been having Braxton Hicks contractions for several days at this point, I assumed it was just more of the same.  We were, unfortunately, a little late for the ceremony, but we did make it!  I sat through the whole thing with only one or two contractions, nothing too bad.  Between the ceremony and the reception, however, the contractions started picking up a bit – they became more regular and slightly more intense, still nothing I couldn’t handle.  By the end of dinner, the contractions were frequent enough that I could not make it halfway down the short hallway to the bathroom without having a contraction, and they had become intense enough that I had to stop walking for each one.  To the relief of everyone at the wedding, I made the decision to go to the hospital.  We arrived at the hospital at 8:00pm.  I was asked to walk for two hours to try to get things moving a little more, I was happy with this because it was better when I was in motion anyway.  At the end of my two hours the pain in my back during contractions had become very strong, and I ended up with so much back pain that I could not stand up even in between the contractions.  They checked me out again, minimal progress, but there was some progress.  This was not feeling promising to me – I felt that the baby had likely made it to my hip and gotten stuck in the same way Lily had.  I had a hard time holding back the tears as I thought about it.  They moved us into a birthing unit to monitor my progress.  Two hours later, minimal progress, again, but the contractions were too painful for me to stand.  The nurse gave me a shot of morphine and gravol to dull the pain a bit and to help me rest.  It helped, minimally – between contractions I began falling asleep and I stopped screaming during my contractions.  Two hours later, the pain began worsening again.  I had gone from 3 centimetres at 12:ooam to 6 centimetres at 2:00am – and, my water broke as she was examining me.  This was amazing to me; with Lily the doctor had to break my water, I had no idea what the water breaking would be like.  The nurse who had been checking on me left to officially move me to the labour and delivery unit and to get the nurse that would be with me for the rest of my labour.  When my new nurse came in she examined me again, this time I had gone from 6 centimetres to 10 centimetres.  This was crazy, I could not believe what was happening.  Only hours before this I was trying to come to terms with the idea that I would likely have to have another c-section and now the nurses were asking me to let them know when I felt I needed to push.  I did not want to push.  I did not think I would even know when I needed to push.  What does that feel like, anyway?  Well, the sensation came.  I ignored it the first time, maybe the second time, too, I don’t really remember.  I was very anxious about pushing.  I knew that there was about to be a lot more pain.  I also knew that a lot of women poop when they push, and I was not really wanting to go there.  Well, the sensation was undeniable by the second or third time, so I told the nurse I needed to push.  She tells me to push.  What do you mean push?  So, I tried to push.  It was pathetic, I had no idea what muscles I was supposed to use.  I kept asking for the doctor.  The nurse refused to get my doctor until I pushed well.  This made me very frustrated.  I don’t know how to push, and I want my doctor!  Oh, I forgot to mention that in this time, before I started pushing, with the contractions one on top of the other, I had another nurse trying to put an IV in my arm to take some blood and to give me some pain medication.  She had to try three times, I had bruises on my left arm and hand for weeks afterward.  I may have yelled at her a few times.  I was not happy that she was telling me to be still while I was in the middle of a contraction.  Okay, back to pushing.  The nurse finally sat down and gave me a little more direction in the matter and I tried to follow her instructions the best I could.  Then, they brought in my doctor!  I spent the rest of the time, when I was not pushing, stating my amazement about how I was going to have a baby.  It took about an hour to an hour and a half of pushing to finally have a baby.  Once it was all done, I appologised profusely to the nurses, realising what a rude person I was, their job is hard enough without people yelling at them for doing their job.  Luckily, they do deal with this all the time, so they took it all in stride.  The nurses were fabulous!  At 5:01am on August 4, 2014 our baby boy was born.  It was a heck of a night, but everything went so well!  No complications, no c-section, no epidural and all in one evening.  Everything went so well, in fact, that we were discharged from the hospital the following day.  It was such a different experience, it was exactly what I had hoped to happen with Lily.

So, now that Lily is two going on twelve, she is becoming more and more of an independent little girl.  With this is coming many troublesome moments for Momma and Daddy.  She is throwing tantrums more frequently over not being allowed to do things on her own – we are generally pretty good about letting her do things herself, but sometimes we forget how much she can do by herself, or there simply is no time to let her do it for herself because she likes to fool around.  So, one night at the dinner table she was asked to sit on her own seat to eat because the food she was eating was a little messy and Daddy, who generally lets her sit on his lap while we eat supper, had no desire to wear her supper.  Daddy put her on her seat as he was explaining the reason for putting her back into her seat, but she did not hear his words, just felt his actions.  She had a tantrum.  A ceramic plate of buttery potatoes were pushed toward the edge of the table – luckily they stopped before falling to the floor.  She was screaming and was sent to her room.  This is where she goes when she throws a tantrum – it gives her a safe place to scream and do whatever she needs to get through the emotions she is feeling and it puts us far enough away from her that we don’t feel obligated to try to talk her down but can instead let her work through it herself.  I should add that we had a rather late supper that night so she was also quite tired.  After a few minutes in her room alone I went in to see if she was ready to talk.  I sat with her while she calmed herself down and started taking some deep breaths so she could talk and listen.  We talked about what had happened.  When I ask her, the only thing she generally remembers is being brought up to her room.  I talked her through what started the incident, that she needed to be using her listening ears so she could understand why things were happening.  But, I also explained to her that pushing her food around or off the table was not the right choice to make in that situation.  I explained to her that when she was feeling sad or angry or frustrated that the best choice would be to walk away from the situation, to go up to her room where she could take the time she needed to calm down and then to come and talk to us afterward.  She told me that she understood what I was saying, as she always does after her tantrums, and that she would like to go back to supper.  She apologized to Daddy and told him that next time she would try to remember to use her listening ears.  I didn’t really think much of it, she is so young, could she really understand what I was saying anyway?  I figured I would carrying on telling her these things until she was at least four and then maybe we would see her learning to handle these situations a little better.

Well, I now stand corrected.  She has now, three times, at the start of her tantrum sent herself to her room saying that she needs to calm down or settle down.  She begins to cry or scream at us or will begin to hit things or stomp her feet, then she heads straight to the stairs and goes up to her room.  Once there, she crawls into bed, pulls the covers up and lays down.  My words worked!  This doesn’t always happen, and I haven’t yet figured out an appropriate solution for those times when we are in public, but as far as I’m concerned, this is a win!  I have watched my two year old take her tantrums in her own hands and diffuse them, without any prompting or any assistance from her Momma or her Daddy.

Another proud Momma moment: naturally saying ‘sorry’.  This one we didn’t really teach her, I think she learned by example.  We were in the grocery store the other day and she decided she wanted to walk, and by walk I mean that she ran down each aisle and then shouted ‘I made it!’ at the end.  Well, some aisles in the grocery store had other shoppers in them, imagine that.  Daddy and I would call behind her to slow down and to watch out for the other shoppers and shopping carts, but it didn’t slow her down much.  She did bump into some of the other shoppers, and without thought, as she kept on running to the end of the aisle, she says, ‘sorry’ the same way an adult would if they had bumped into another shopper.  I was grateful that she was at least using some manners, and most people didn’t seem to put off by our toddler running through the grocery store like a crazy person, so it wasn’t too bad.  Yes, I am that mother who lets her child run through the store as long as she stays in sight and listens when we tell her to stop.  So, this was great, my child was using her manners properly with people, without any prompting.  Then, a couple days later, when seeing Daddy out the door in the morning, she ran through the kitchen to Daddy, but there was an obstacle, the dog.  I hear, ‘sorry, Sash.’  Just as she has heard me say so many times before.  I know that she doesn’t really understand what she is saying, there are a lot of adults who don’t understand the meaning of ‘sorry,’ but she is using it properly, and in these instances, she means it.  She did not intend to bump into those people or the dog and regrets that it happened.  She may not know how to make it not happen again in the future, but she does try to avoid other people when she is running and walking.

So, all in all, I am one proud Momma!

So, this blog was intended to be an outlet where I could revel over my new baby’s (now big girl’s) accomplishments, rant about the stresses of being a Mom and basically just release my emotions to an audience that is interested rather than putting my whole life out there for everyone on Facebook.  I know not all my “friends” on Facebook have even the slightest interest in the things I write about here.  I still post some things on Facebook, but I am trying to keep the full stories to my blog.  That being said, I find it much easier to post a short note in my status on Facebook than to sit down and actually write something that is even remotely interesting to anyone.  Although, I’m not sure how concerned I am about my posts being interesting, I suppose it’s more the length of my posts that stops me from writing more frequently.  ANYWAY…It has been a while, and there has been quite a lot happening since I last posted.

I suppose the first thing I should say is that Lily is potty trained!  Yay!  She still has an accident once in a while and doesn’t always make it to the toilet before a little pee comes out; but as far as I am concerned, she is finished potty training.  She even makes it through most nights without any accidents.  That makes me one happy Momma!  Especially with the new one on the way.  She is actually so potty trained that when we were watching old videos the other day from when she was just starting to climb the stairs she told me that “the baby” was going to the potty (she did not believe that it was me).  When I told her that it was her, but she was not on the way to the potty because at that time she was still wearing diapers, she replied, “I don’t wear diapers.  I wear panties.”  That’s my big girl and I am so proud of her!

Next, we had our first hospital visit last month.  It’s great, I suppose, that we had no reason to take her in before she was 2 years old.  However, I was really hoping to avoid the hospital for her whole childhood.  I know, unrealistic, but a Mom can dream, can’t she?  She had a rather high fever for most of a day, and in the middle of the night, when her fever returned after having had medicine earlier that evening, I noticed that she was breathing really fast, not to mention she would not stay asleep for more than half an hour at a time.  So, this worried Momma called 811.  I am so grateful for this service.  Knowing that I am a worrier, I always have been, calling 811 before pulling my sick toddler who needs to rest out of bed and rushing her to the hospital is so much better.  I have avoided a few unnecessary hospital trips in Lily’s life thanks to 811.  Well, that morning, it was about 5:00am when I was talking to the nurse, I was advised to take Lily into the hospital for assessment because of her rapid breathing.  The nurse forwarded our information to the IWK Health Centre and off I went with my sick little girl to the hospital.  When we got there, the triage nurse decided that Lily had croup.  Now, I understand that croup is very common in young children, its symptoms include fever and trouble breathing, I understand why she came to this conclusion.  However, Lily did not cough while we were talking to the triage nurse, nor did I ever say anything about Lily sounding like she could not breathe.  When I told the triage nurse that the reason I called 811 was for the fever she seemed shocked that Lily’s breathing didn’t get my attention first.  The triage nurse, for whatever reason, had assumed that Lily had been gasping for breath when in fact she was simply breathing rapidly.  I was made to feel like a terrible mother for not noticing my daughter’s unusual breathing sooner, since I didn’t actually notice the difference in her breathing until I was sitting on the floor in front of her talking on the phone with the nurse.  Well, I went on, feeling like a bad mother and assuming that the triage nurse was right and Lily had croup.  Well, Lily did not have croup.  We saw two or three doctors that morning, I’m sad to say I can’t remember the exact number, and none of them thought Lily had croup.  They told me it was likely a virus and all I could do was give Lily Tylenol to keep her fever down and her breathing normal.  They watched her for most of the morning with no medicine, until about 8:00am when they finally gave her some Tylenol, the Tylenol lowered her fever which lowered her heart-rate which slowed her breathing.  She was on Tylenol the rest of the day and after a couple days was back to her usual self.  But, the moral of my story here is, a triage nurse should never make a diagnosis, nor should they ever make a parent or patient feel like they are bad people for waiting to call 811 or to come into the hospital.  Since this visit, Lily has been playing doctor a lot, I find it very sweet.  She pretends to take her temperature with whatever she happens to have around, she has also tried to listen to the dog’s heartbeat and she pretends to give all her toys medicine.  It’s pretty sweet.

For Christmas, Lily and I got a pair of tickets to see the Backyardigans live on stage from her Nana and Gump.  We went with my Mom, my two sisters and Lily’s five youngest cousins (her oldest cousin is a little too big for Backyardigans, now).  Lily didn’t really know who the Backyardigans were before going to the show.  She was excited to go, she loves going places and being with other people.  Nana bought her a light wand which was very exciting.  When the show started she pretended it was a remote control and tried to change it to Nemo.  But, she was not disappointed with the show, there was a lot of singing and dancing, it kept her attention pretty well.  After the show she noticed that one of her cousins was wearing a Backyardigans sweater, she decided she wanted one, too.  I took her back to the merchandise table to get her a shirt, I let her pick what she wanted, she picked out a blue t-shirt.  She loves it!  She wears it as soon as it is clean.  Her Nana also bought her a water bottle.  I told her we would use it for her water when we go to gymnastics.  She gets so excited to take her Tyronne cup every week; the first week she drank ALL the water from her Tyronne cup before we got home from gymnastics.

Lily participated in her first dance competition this month.  Last year she wanted to have a turn on the stage at every event I took her to.  So, I decided this year I would let her have a turn.  She was a little overwhelmed by the large stage, but she did it.  She stuck close to the curtains and close to Momma, but she went out on that stage and was the cutest little butterfly that I have ever seen!  She won a gold medal for her performance and a first place overall for the novice 6 and under solos (of which I believe she was the only one) and a special award for being Super Cute.  She doesn’t really understand what the medals are for, but she does know that she has these really cool medals and that she had a lot of fun on the stage.

Now for a little bit of Momma emotions.  I’m currently in the busiest time of the year for dance.  This is the time of year when I stress out about competitions and dance exams.  It is also the time of year I start preparing for the next dance season – I start listening for new songs, thinking about what dancers should be in which classes, talking to dancers about solos they would like to do the next year.  This year, however, I have the stresses of dance exams and competitions, but I don’t have the next dance season to look forward to.  I find that I am now looking ahead to the following dance season when I will be getting back to teaching.  I am also thinking about next year and how hard it will be to not be dancing or teaching in the fall.  This will be the first year in 28 years that I will not be dancing or teaching dance, at all.  I feel like I will be losing a part of me for a whole year.  And, I know that when this baby comes, I won’t be thinking much about dance, but I will be feeling like I’ve lost who I am, and not getting back into dance is going to make that so much harder.

I was also on the IWK Health Centre website this morning.  Looking at the patient handbook.  Reading about what I need to bring and what I need to do before going to the hospital.  Reading about all the things they do during your stay.  I found myself, as I was reading, thinking about how everything went down when Lily was born.  There were so many mixed emotions.  I was feeling nostalgic for those days when Lily was brand new, when we didn’t know what we were getting ourselves into or the joys that the small little being would bring us over the next two years.  I was also feeling a little anxious about how things will go down this time.  Knowing the experience I had when Lily was born, I found myself dreading the same experience this time.  Being in the birthing unit for more than 24 hours with little to no progress.  Being told after so many long hours of labour that I was going to have to have an epidural in case of a c-section, that they were going to screw a monitor into the top of my unborn baby’s head, that in the end, I was to have a c-section.  All those emotions came flooding back.  Then, as I read on, it says something about them promoting breast-feeding and helping patients make informed decisions, or something along those lines anyway.  I started thinking back to how much trouble I had trying to nurse Lily and how the nurses all seemed to tell me something different.  Then to the nurse that came to my home and tried to give me different options the first day she saw me, ‘you know there are other options, you could try a cup.’  Lily was taking a bottle fine, that wasn’t the problem, the problem was that I wanted to nurse her, because that is what is best for my child.  Then, when I spoke to her on the phone and told her I had made the decision to formula-feed Lily to minimize the stress I was feeling, she made me feel like I was making the wrong decision – luckily, I had already come to terms with the decision that I had made and did not let her make me feel bad for my decision.  But, that was just one nurse, who seemed to be contradicting herself.  It was such a stressful time for me, and I was so emotional.  And now, knowing that this baby is going to come in three short months, I’m starting to feel anxious about all those things, all the extra stresses that are not even necessary.  But, I was also hit with a bit of excitement as I was reading.  Because, as scary as it is that I may end up having another c-section, or I may end up having difficulty breast-feeding again, or that some other complication may come up, I know that in three short months I will be welcoming a new life into our family!  And, no matter how everything goes down, it will all seem so insignificant once I get to know this new little person.

It’s hard to believe sometimes how many emotions flow through me all at once.  I never felt anything like the way it feels to be a Mom before in my life.  I could never have imagined the range of emotions that mothers feel.  And, now, realising all of that, I feel really bad for my own Mom.  I never understood how she felt about us, and I never realised that I didn’t feel the same way for her.  But, she knew it, all along.  And that, right there, is probably the hardest thing.

So, as you all know, Lily is in the throws of potty training.  Really, the training part is over, she mostly knows what she is doing now, there are just a couple things that we need to work on.  One of those things is the night-time training.  She can’t seem to hold it for the whole night.  No biggie, she generally wakes up around 2:00am, I make her go to the potty where she cries while she pees, then she goes back to bed and wakes up accident-free!  And, the rewards of how proud I am in the morning outweighs the downfall of her crying for 5 minutes maximum in the middle of the night.  The other issue is getting her to poop on the toilet consistently.  In trying to get her to poop on the potty in the first place I tried to convince her with a reward; if she pooped on the potty she could have one of her valentine’s chocolates.  She really wanted a chocolate, but she certainly did not want to poop on the toilet.  She held her poop for four days before finally pooping on the toilet and getting her first reward.  She was very proud of herself and very excited to get a chocolate.  However, this was not motivation enough to keep her pooping on the toilet.  She would poop on the toilet one day, then in her panties the next.  She did, however, stop holding her poop after this which was a great step in the right direction.  She is now pretty consistently pooping on the toilet, she still has an accident once in a while.  But, this is where I come to the downside of her rewards.  Yesterday, before we ate lunch, I got her to sit on the toilet.  She insisted that she had to have a poop so she could get a chocolate.  She pushed, hard, for a good ten minutes.  I kept telling her that if she didn’t have a poop in her belly that was okay and she could try again later.  This was not satisfactory.  After watching her cry over not being able to poop I pulled her off the toilet.  She wouldn’t let me put her clothes back on, she sat down on the bath mat and threw a tantrum.  Now, this is not her usual attitude.  She often tries to poop with no success because she wants a chocolate.  Yesterday she was extra tired and extra hungry.  However, watching her throw a naked tantrum over not being able to poop made me wonder how I am ever going to be able to stop the rewards.

So, I have been slacking a little in my potty training updates.  After Day 4 nothing really seemed all that important.  However, today, Lily had two huge accomplishments and I am feeling very proud of her.  First thing in the morning when she got up and sat on the potty her diaper was completely dry!  That’s about 12 hours with no pees!  Which would not surprise me as much if she slept straight through but she woke up a couple times through the night and was awake at least an hour in the diaper before going to bed.  That was a great start to my day.  It was a little spoiled by her accidents in the morning.  She had a big accident and then about five minutes later she had another.  Momma was very frustrated, especially since yesterday she decided that after having Momma outside her bedroom door for an hour it would be a great idea to stand up and pee on her sleep toys as soon as Momma goes downstairs.  This whole potty training thing felt like it was going so well until yesterday at nap time, then I became quite frustrated with her.  However, this afternoon, after actually having a nap, she redeemed herself!  She had a small accident, but when she got on the toilet she had a poop!  So, Momma didn’t really pay much attention to the small accident she had.  She was so proud of herself, and Momma was very proud of her as well!  We had a great afternoon, until she had another accident.  I assumed that after having had the poop she would not have so many accidents.  Momma began feeling a bit annoyed again, but I got her on the potty again to have a pee and all was well.  She was fine, until after supper when she decided that it would be a good idea to poop in her pants.

But, all in all, the five accidents were entirely out-weighed by the dry diaper in the morning and the poop on the toilet.  Hoping for a better day all around tomorrow!